Broken.

Look at me,

Can’t you see the pain?

I was wondering if you’d have ever thought about me.

Don’t you remember the times we have spent?

Don’t you recall those laughs we had few years back, don’t you?

I wish I could talk to you.

I wish I could make you mine again.

Maybe it was always fake as I haven’t realized this distance then.

Cuz after 3 years, still I don’t want to accept that you don’t care anymore.

I wish I could say sorry to you.

I wish I could apologize for the reason you’ve left me.

My efforts were always at their peaks.

But the reactions went neutral every time.

You never responded to my screams, to my calls, my begs.

But you were selfish, you never told me what’s the matter, the reason.

I have so many questions buried in my mind and clenched in my heart.

I always get melted down whenever I see your graceful (shit) face.

No matter if I pretend to be strong and smile like nothing’s wrong.

But inside I’m dying.

I’m dying to talk to you, to ask you, to tell you.

I want to say SORRY for the reason I don’t know.

I am really sorry if I hurt you.

I wish I could get you back, like we were before.

I worry about the times when you will ignore my funeral too.

Because you hate me so much, that you don’t even want to see my face.

Hardly at some points you smiled at me when I was in front of you.

Was it just to make me more hurt?

More guilty? more broken?

I prayed to God just for you at times.

But maybe they never reached to him.

I miss you a lot.

I just. miss you. I miss US.

f3659c53372d28d898ac2ac1ceafc975

-.The.Clever.Idiot.

a.k.a Nisha.

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It was always the same.. and will be..

Yet another day, I am here confused like always about what to write. It’s been a while I haven’t done anything on my blogs or poems. There are two types of times we all have in our lives, first one is “Busy phase” and the other one is “Boring phase”. I was in the second one while I was updating and updating. But now life hit me with lots and lots of books and a coaching institute to prepare for NEET (National Eligibility Entrance Test) well it’s an exam of entrance in medical colleges. I am sooo fed up of them because last year I didn’t got admission and here comes this year, again. All I gain in 2016 is WEIGHT. Well I copied this line from a post I saw on Instagram, sigh.

I still don’t know what I am talking about, just sharing some thoughts running through my mind right now. I am upset deep down from my heart since few months but haven’t showed up to anyone, even to my best friends. I don’t know why but I don’t like to share my sad sides to anyone anymore because things will always be the same if I tell this to someone or not. My heart is not accepting to give up on myself. It has been a year since I left my drawings and artwork behind. It seems stupid to you guys but still I am sorry for sharing these shits to you.

‘It doesn’t matter to me and everything related to it is shit’ I always reply this to my family and friends when they show me some great artwork or some handmade stuff on internet or some magazines (whatever). I still make handmade gifts for my special ones but I try not like it because it will bring back my pain which I am trying to hide since one whole Fu**ing year. Anger, depression, sadness and tears, these 4 things have been there for me every time I received some happiness just like buy 1 get 4 free (haha). I cry when some sad song comes on T.V like a stupid a**hole hiding tears, but again never show storms waving in my heart.

Well….

Thanks for reading….

ghalib-urdu-shayari-bas-khatam-kar-baazi-e-ishq-ghalib-muqadar-ky-hary-kabhi-jeeta-nahi-karty

–xOx–

Stained from Divine..

This moment would be perfect

If I had you wrapped in my arms

Talking about your favorite movie

Just to feel your smirks and charms..

 

This time would be perfect

If I had just you to be with me

Watching this beautiful rain

And listen to that first met story..

 

This day would be perfect

If I could kiss you right now

Holding you close and not letting you go

And presumably make you feel special somehow..

 

This life would be perfect

If I had your love as same as mine

Walking intertwined in the alleys of heaven

To be the Saga of Love, stained from Divine..

If I will Die..

If I will die,

Tell my friends I never lied.

I was being loyal to them-

And was ashamed of my mistakes.

If I will die,

Tell my family I wasn’t always the worst.

I tried my best to give my bestest-

But somehow I ended up bruising their expectations.

If I will die,

Tell my love that I still love him.

I am sorry I wasn’t strong enough-

To make it through the worst.

If I will die,

Tell this world I was just a tiny dreamer.

Fought with herself every time she got down,

Just to paint her own star in emerald green-

Besides wasn’t aware of infinite meteors.

 

–xOx–

 

56 Things you feel when in a Relationship..

Hello Amazing people!

Was wondering if no one was alone in this world how beautiful that would be, no? But sometimes being alone is the only thing we need in our lives. No matter what, how, why, but Love is the most amazing feeling we have in our journey. It comes in lots of ways like the very first love we receive is from our Mothers (awww ^_^). There are many forms of love like friendship love, family love, partner’s love, fake love (No place for it here anyway), celebrity love, crush love, gadgets love, hobbies love and so on.

Let’s stick to the topic otherwise I will keep rubbishing words out. Here we go!

56 Things you feel when in a Relationship-

  1. Loved. Whatever comes to your way that person will stick to you and be your armor. Nothing can replace this feeling ever in your lifetime.
  2. Important. As that person makes you feel like that. You are with the perfect one if he/she does.
  3. Lucky. Being with them and not able to feel alone when they aren’t around you because you are so happy to have them as a part of your life that you just can’t be sad. (The same happens to me ;)).
  4. Protected. It comes when you hug them and feel the entire world of yours exist in their arms. It happens really!
  5. Easy. Problems just fuuush away when you share things with them.
  6. Addicted. To their essence.
  7. Blissful. When they are around you and do something stupid all over the place.
  8. Crazy. About their little things.
  9. Jealousy. When they talk to someone else.
  10. Fondness. Of holding them close when you feel upset.
  11. Hurt. When you have a fight.
  12. Scared. Of losing them.
  13. Happy. for their achievements and all.
  14. Blessed. for having them in your life.
  15. Thankful. for every thing they do.
  16. Understandings. wow…
  17. Free. IF you are with the perfect partner, no one can stop you for doing what you want. Trust me.
  18. Accepted. No matter what shit you do everyday, that person just won’t complaint and appreciate the things you do.
  19. Confident. About their tasks with you and without you.
  20. Courageous. You will spontaneously be like that if you both have great bonds.
  21. Eager. To get them into your life for ever.
  22. Fulfilled. Almost no voids left anymore in your life.
  23. Worried. When they don’t message or give a call.
  24. Intimate. Mmmmmm.. hihi :p
  25. Inspired. From their works.
  26. Interested. In their hobbies, seriously you will get involved in their favorite hobbies and make it your own. Aw 🙂
  27. Mad. Eventually at certain things.
  28. Open. In front of them you won’t feel restricted. But that’s a different thing if you feel nervous. O! I got a new one also :D.
  29. Nervous. Because you feel butterflies in your stomach and maybe something else….
  30. Strong. Just being with them and spending time will heal you with great results. Yeah really..
  31. Good. Nothing else to say.
  32. Proud. To have them in your limited life.
  33. Respected. That’s the best part about being in a real relationship.
  34. Startled. When your partner do something crazy for you.
  35. Excited. When they your special days more special. aw.
  36. Uncontrolled. When it comes to love, no restrictions anyway.
  37. Alive. It’s good sign, otherwise some girls are really weird :D. uh I am not weird.
  38. Carefree. Of your body shape, color or whatever. If it’s right, it’s RIGHT.
  39. Groovy. Sweet!
  40. Blah. yeah. When you’re talking some rubbishes.
  41. Blushes. Aww that is soo kiyooooot! (cute)
  42. Aww. Am I saying it a lot??? Ah never mind.
  43. Kind. With response of what your partner does.
  44. Complete. No there’s 12 more left. Just kiddin’! 
  45. Drama. Aw baby haven’t you ate lunch yet? Aw baby you look so cute in blue! and so on.
  46. Be-you-tiful. Hmmm I mean it.
  47. Never Enough. Everytime you meet them it’s just never enough.
  48. Eternal. together forever ^_^
  49. Trust. no need to explain.
  50. Promises. Fragile part of your relationship.
  51. Encouraged. And it also make you feel happy and strong.
  52. Stupid. That how can a person love someone so much?
  53. Generous. 
  54. Hope. That you will survive and won’t give up.
  55. Comfortable. per-fect.
  56. Romantic. 

Ooooo it finished? Thank God. My fingers were about to burst 😀 😀

No I was joking. I love writing, Yayy! Well shits apart please don’t forget to comment your views and give it a star if you think it was so! 

Thanks A lor for Reading!

 

The Wedding Day (part-2)

Hey Readers!

Just a quick note, if you haven’t read the first part then please go through it first and then this one because it’s important! 😛

The Wedding Day (part-1)

Here’s the link and if you have read it already then you can proceed here.

Thank you! 


……….

Mom took my hands and led me outside

No noise, no voice, no celebrations foreside..

I noticed all eyes were on me staring

All I heard was people’s humming..

My heart was acting insane

The breaths, the beats, the brain..

Dad was standing in front of a flower decorated car

It was HIS, which was still unrevealed star..

I rolled my eyes at it all over in some expectations

The jasmines and roses, beautiful combinations..

Dad bowed head as he looked at me

I still didn’t got why everyone was looking at me..

I looked and gave a quick smile to dad curiously

He didn’t moved but looked at me restlessly..

“What happened?” mom asked when she came

I smiled in confusion and gestured the same..

He opened the door I was waiting for

The door I always dreamed and lived for..

There was the person I was willing to see

My future, my groom, my devotee..

My smile went bigger but dad didn’t responded

I took steps further to welcome him and greeted..

Mom asked the same if he could tell

But dad still was the same like he didn’t heard the yell..

I looked again in the car nervously

He wasn’t moving an inch even partly..

I bowed head to see as I got closer

My heart stopped and time got slower..

He was pale, pure and still

God, his eyes were closed and mine filled..

I looked at dad and again at him

“Dad he is not looking at me” I whispered

“He is not listening to my words” I whispered..

No replies I got in result

No words I got in return..

I kept asking hundreds of questions

It was like no one was giving me attention..

My body felt weaker as I don’t want to realize

My precious love, my better half is demised..

I noticed marooned henna on my hands

Wondered if he could find his name on its grands..

I wasn’t ready to face this extraordinary sorrow

It was like God has took everything he allowed me to borrow..

“No, please.. just no…” I whispered

“Please say something to me.. please!” I whispered..

Some people gathered to take him out of the car

I was just staring at him, my only leading star..

I wore a maroon lehnga and all the matching jewellary with it

He was wearing white Sherwani and matching shoes with it..

We were looking perfect

But God seems to be upset..

He was lying in front and not looking at me

And I was pretending all day that he will smile at me..

The butterflies I felt every time I saw him

Are dead now just like his soul met the rim..

I dreamed of every single thing of after marriage

The kids, the work, the happiness and affordable carriage..

 I literally didn’t believed he was gone

Someone told it was a car accident across the road..

He went to buy something he said ‘important’

The tear I felt on my cheek was inexplicably instant..

I closed my eyes and saw him smiling

Just like we first met and exchanged sweet hurtings..

I felt myself tumbled on the ground harshly

The pain, the cries, the screams loudly..

Just after my eyes closed and met him again

I saw him standing next to me in kingdoms of heaven..

We both were in whiten long outfits

Holding each other’s hands fearless and explicit..

That was the moment we gazed our eye’s ashen

In the presence of Almighty, we hitched in heaven ..

Pakistani-Indian-Wedding-Photographers-Chicago-011dsdsdssds

wed..

–xOx–

 

 

My Pain-tings..

You.. my reflection, my affliction

You.. completed my aura, destructed my flora

You.. belonged to my soul, murdered my core

You.. let me live free, demised my glee

You.. made me believe in ‘ME’, never complained to me

You.. lived in my heart, made me fall apart

You.. my twinkling stars, my broken bars

You.. my wishes in the jar, my beautiful invisible scar

You.. my talent, reason to my screeching silence

You.. my knotted strings, my pain-tings

You.. yes You

I love You, but I hate you-

because you never stayed

when I was being a slave

of life, and You never cared

When I was digging that grave

Scared of life, scared of thoughts

-of losing you

-of pleasing you

-of missing you

-of Loving you….

fool

–xOx–