How to make people laugh at your shitty talks.

 

So I was going through some posts on my feed and found nothing amusing. So I decided to write one for all of you. Well as always I say I am here to entertain people with my stupid blogs, yeah I don’t post much since few weeks or you can say months. But here I am again ready to eat your brains! Just kidding I don’t eat them at all.

I like to crack jokes in gatherings and love to make people laugh. But if someone don’t laugh at my jokes, I feel bad for them. As I titled this post ‘How to be funnier..’ so let’s write some points that can help you through this.

  • Be carefree. Don’t care what impact will it leave on people’s mind just say whatever you want to say if it seems funny to you but it’s a different thing if you include some sexual things in it. Stay away from it if you really don’t want to create a weird scene.
  • Be careful. Yeah really, don’t say things which don’t suite the scene. Well it depends on the situations and remember don’t be too bold to say anything which can hurt the guy in front. Like if he is fat and laughing a lot at your jokes and you say a thing like -“Your head looks like a boiled octopus to me!”. He may punch you hard (haha I would love that!)
  • Laugh at your own jokes. Not too much because then you will look a dying seal if you talk and laugh at the same time.
  • Not in mood. I know what it takes to laugh if you are sad or upset. But if you kinda resemble with me, I like to make people at least smile if they are feeling bad no matter how bad is my mood. I sometimes be a melo-drama in front of those homo sapiens. If I am seriously really disturbed then I walk away and don’t try to make an effort. I am what I am.
  • Insult. That’s my favorite part!  knows it really well. Insult your friends! YEAAH! tell them they are ugly as nothing on this planet! God is taking revenge from you that he sent them in your life because once you stole a half pencil from an unknown bag! Weird pet names can help you much! and they look like Kamal R.Khan when they wear glasses. You don’t know who is he? Then I believe you are having an actual life depression.*Sympathy from me*

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That’s him ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ yeah. I am sorry I can’t believe I have to see this in my posts I am just kind of realizing how my life can turn to worst in a second.

  • Timing. It’s the most important thing to be funnier. If you don’t have it I have to say this ‘I feel sorry for you’ :'(. I mean really, I have seen people who say their thing when the topic is over 2 hours ago.
  • Copy and paste of Dialogues. If you have seen a really funny movie and you find some dialogues hilarious, why don’t use them in front of people? For example- “Are maharaj! Tumare gurde kyu chhil rahe hain?” (Hey King! Why your kidneys are getting peeled off?) It means JEALOUSY in short if you didn’t got what I tried to say. Another example- “Khopdi tod saaale ka!” (Break the skull of that bastard!).. and so on.

Being funny is not difficult! just be yourself in a quirky way and make positive vibes every where you meet anyone. Spread Love, spread peace, treat everyone equally :p (stole that line from somewhere I won’t tell). And the only rule I want you guys to follow is:-

RACISM

No one deserves this ever.

-xOx-

Hi Readers!

I hope you liked this one so please leave comments about your funny and failed-to-make-laugh stories! I would be glad.

And yes if you guys need any classes for how to insult people you can find me on Instagram as @cleveridiot.nisha97 and if you don’t believe it, ask from Sumit I mentioned his website above. Keep practicing for being weird and refuse to be a dying seal. And yeah I liked that Boiled octopus punch haha! I may try this on someone at least once in my life time! ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

And if you still don’t know who is Kamal R.Khan then please let me know I would seriously write a motivational post for you.

Thanks A lot for Reading!

.The.Clever.Idiot.

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10 things a girl actually wants..

There were so many great scientists who came and gone and discovered uncommon and phenomenal things which we learn and literally write about them in our exam sheets. They had different minds which imagined some unusual things. But my heart is aching just because there is no one born who could tell us about ‘What a girl really wants’. As I was thinking about this topic, I came through some points which forced me to write them here. Let’s get started.

1.DISCOUNT.ย Ehm ehm, so basically I am a girl and I can’t understand even myself. I mean why? Why I need discount in everything I buy and I don’t care if I buy a t-shirt that have 70% discount already and I go to shopkeeper and ask quietly if he can give me some more of discount on it. He gives a look like I have asked for his kidney! I hope he won’t do it for iPhone 7 as well.

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2.12 AM birthday wishes.ย If I receive 200 wishes at 12 AM from my loved ones and only 1 friend is left to wish, I feel like hell I mean ‘Did he forgot my birthday?’, ‘Am I not important for him anymore?’,’Maybe he is sleeping.’,’But why! I won’t talk to him ever, aaughh!’.. Seriously I am that stupid.

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3.Laughs.ย Again I am repeating this one because it is as stupid as Mr. bean! If I tell you a joke then just laugh, I said laugh! L.A.U.G.H. laaauughhh!

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4.Appreciation.ย If I make horrible food and I know that, but I still expect that the person in front will say at least something positive about it, but literally they don’t… Another thing is if I wear a new outfit and look weird, I need some ‘You’re looking beautiful!’ kind of reviews about me. Seriously I am that idiot. Did I said that again? uhh.

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5.Slim-trim comments.ย When I am getting fat, (Well I am already) but more fat. And I know that. but. every time I wear a new dress and it’s so-tight-I-can’t-breath I want some suggestions as same as always, GOOD! BEAUTIFUL! GOD HAS MADE YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE! maa ki aankh. (you can translate it if you want too ๐Ÿ˜‰ :p)

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6.Perfect Selfie.ย I don’t care if it will take 999999 takes to get a perfect selfie, I will still click-click-click-click-click. (Mention the amount in words in comment section).

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7.Street Food Without FAT.ย well I don’t wanna change the taste but yeah it has to be fat free just because I want that to be. Don’t mess with me! Bhai Gol Gappe mast bane hain.

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8.1 Woman Man.ย If you can’t stop flirting with other girls, stay away if you don’t want to change your looks! yet it’s not funny thing so. Mind it Rascala!

9.Attention. Am I getting serious now? But sometimes this thing gets really awkward I mean if I am chatting in whatsapp or any other group of people, if for a second my opinion is ignored then I want to hit everyone in their faces and shout out loud whatever I want to say. But yeah it can happen to everyone else, soo I am not alone in this universe.

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10.MAKE-UP. Whyyy!! what on earth did invented this amazingly shitty thing!! I mean seriously, girls are so obsessed these days with make up that they can’t even survive without it. Absolutely I have no idea what would be the scene in 2020s about it. I just don’t understand when girls will learn to live natural….

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-xOx-

Okay so I finish it here now. I hope I bring a small tiny piny smile on your gorgeous and literally without make-up faces haha! well jokes apart, I want to tell something in extra and important stuff to you.

  • No matter what kind of a girl there is, the only thing she wants is CARE. We girls have sensitive hearts so we need care just like more of that I guess.
  • If you know a girl who wears much make up just tell her that she is beautiful without it and there’s no need to put on it in extra amount. She will say ‘I love you’ in return trust me.
  • So basically we girls need is care, that is why some show tantrums but never say what they want. Some fight, be a bitch, or whatever it is. Just be with her, tell her she is beautiful and let her chase what she wants.
  • But don’t leave her alone because still, GIRLS ARE AS STUPID AS NOTHING ON THIS PLANET.

Please comment your views about it and let me know what kind of things a girl really wants. Obviously I haven’t wrote everything but some of them. Share your thoughts and give it a star if you think it’s worth it. Thank you Mr. Obama you helped me through this!ย 

Picture credit- Google bhaisab.

Keep Smiling-Love memes,

-.The.Clever.Idiot.

 

5 Types of Beggars in India..

Helloww Everyone! Well I’m back with another one! this blog is dedicated to our own precious and respectable beggars in India. You won’t understand what to do when these types of beggars will come to you and look direct into your eyes with most innocent face and you have to give them because of the pity you feel on them. These are the most innocent and clever types of people who will make you feel good and frighten at the same time. Fear for what? I’ll tell you.

So here we are to discuss about some types of beggars in India. Tighten your seat belts please!

1. The Puppy Face.

Oi Oi! aammm.. Sorry about that :p This type of beggars will come to you, look at you in the face with ‘that’ puppy face and asks you if you could give some money. You’ll give a 10 Rs. note to them and they will be like ,”I asked for 50 Rs.”They’ll say in the tone of ‘give it or take it, I don’t want your chillars (Coins)’. You will stand still there thinking about what the heck just happened here and he will leave you their with your money you tried to donate. Did he just insulted you? I mean he refused to take 10 rs.? I mean you can buy two chocolates of 5 stars in 10 rs., you can have tea with a packet of biscuits in 10 rs., you can buy a packet of Lays in 10 rs., you can even have a swiss roll in 10 rs.! My God….

2. The Extreme Stubborn Kids

I have a story to tell now. In 2015, it was our school picnic and me and my friends were roaming in the garden of India gate in a beautiful weather. Suddenly couple of kids came and asked us for some money or food. I took out a packet of biscuits from my bag and gave them. I felt good and they left. I followed my eyes in whichever direction they were going. They went to some other kids and hid that packet in a plastic bag and what I saw that it was full of packets of biscuits, chips etc. They were collecting the stuff God knows why. I ignored it and we all sat under a tree and took out our lunch boxes and the beautiful smell of food were increasing the urge to eat the whole meal. After 2 minutes a couple of other kids of the same gang came and asked for the packets of biscuits. My friend asked if they could take a plate of biryani. They refused and again demanded the same thing. We said we are out of them you can take a plate of biryani or just go. They started misbehaving and saying unnecessary things. One of the girl shouted at them and they left.

I mean if you have any self respect and you love your life then just give them what they want. You can find them on traffic signals, monument places, parks and markets. Almost everywhere in India. God save the people who face this type of people daily. I wish them good luck.

3. The Well-Wishers (Umm Probably).

These are mostly the woman beggars. These beggars are like the age of your Grand mothers and they won’t ask you to give money, they will praise you with an innocent face and if you give them money you’ll be more praised. If you don’t have anything to give their wishes will become negatives. If you want your future to be good then you have to give them what they want. So if you find this types of Amma anywhere just go and give some money otherwise get ready for the bad wishes for yourself.

4. Rickshaw Puller with a Patient.

“Can you see this person lying on this cart who is really compelled and helpless. He has a very huge disease which needs more and more money to live his life. Just look at this person and if you have a heart then donate some money to him……” the loud speaker placed behind the patient has a recording of these type of dialogues to make you feel more pity on them. They seems so annoying and loud that you should literally stop talking because your partner can’t listen what you are trying to say. And the most important part, the patient will lay there and just sleep without any worry what is going on in the world and that rickshaw puller will just drag the cart here and there even in the worst summer of Delhi. God knows why their heads don’t burst by listening to that loud recorded voice of a person.

5. The Miraculous Baba with super powers!

You can find them on Temples, Dargah, under a Banyan tree and I don’t know where ever they want to sit. In front of temples they will dress an orange gown and orange turban with a necklace of beads which are called as Rudraksh. They will tell you the future, your jobs opportunities, your marriage future, your AIPMT result scorings etc. etc. He knows better than God and that is why you have to pay them in thousands and hundreds. In front of Dargah or Mosques, they will dress in a green gown with black turban and a bunch of peocock feathers to brush away all the sins you have done just by doing some strokes of it on your head. They are one of the loudest beggars because they will shout and scream the praising words and call you near and give them whatever you have. You have to pay them same as the aboves. You cannot refuse to give them money otherwise they will curse you!

Oh My god! yeh mera India. I don’t think there are any other country where we find these types of beggars but I think Pakistan could be the same as India. I seriously don’t give money to every beggar on my way but if I have some extra thing I will give no matter how many thousands he have stored in his bag or any other place. I am not saying do not give and donate. Please donate as much as you can because there are hundreds of people waiting just for your help! You don’t know how much difficult is to live without food all day long. If you would ask me to do it, I would donate to the NGOs and organisations who help slum people and help their children for education.

I wish I made it make you understand things I wanted to say.

Thanks A lot for Reading!

With Love, from Nisha..

Today! I am gonna show you what I would do if you let me live in the freedom. Today, I’m gonna show the original me. Today, I am gonna show you what is my passion and what I love the most.

Okay enough of filmy lines now kaam ki baat (thing of use), I have drew a thing on my wall and I have already told this about to Mr. A-jazz :p. Well, It’s a small tribute to Zayn Malik. I am a HUGE fan of One Direction and as Zayn has left the band (which was really hard for me to accept :/) and he made his new album “Mind of Mine” and I am really really proud of him!. Here’s the picture from my wall-

mind of mine.jpgย The picture quality isn’t that good because of my phone (Pff! :p). I am feeling so good by looking at it and I don’t know why! I look so stupid while looking at it. But I want to tell you guys that whatever he is doing I am so proud of Zayn Malik and honestly I can’t choose anyone of them (Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson and Liam Payne). I have also written a song’s lyrics for them of ‘Story of my Life’ on my wall. It was one of the songs where they all five boys were together in the video. You might feel bored while reading this if you don’t know them. But you know the teenage love life seems so deep and stupid.

Here’s the previous one I have made about 2 months ago I guess!

somlAgain the picture quality sucks. ahh well!

This one’s for my life, I mean for the band. I hope you guys would like to comment for the pics!

With Love,

For One Direction,

From Nisha

Thanks for visiting ๐Ÿ™‚

 

When a woman will become a President of our country!..

It gives goose bumps even at a thought about it, isn’t it? Girls are one of the most confusing things God has ever created. They will never understand even their selves. Today my best friend visited my house and she was upset about something. I got tired of consulting her that the problems never stay forever in our lives, they comes and goes. But NO! she cried, she laughed, she ate a full plate of fried rice, she cried, she confused me, she made my brain useless, she cried, she drank a glass of soft drink with me, she got up to go, she talked, she shared again, she asked me to say something encouraging, I explained everything, she talked, at last she left. Uff! girls are so complicated.

Here I am with few reasons of what happen “When a woman will become a President of our Country”. I can’t be like that, but maybe sometimes I become this type of girl, I don’t know if I have been this person to someone. Okay so let’s stick to the topic, I have a lot to do.

Rules of Attire

  • The new rule for all the brands of country! that no company will make more than two copies of a dress because it is so painful to see girl wearing a same dress like me in a function, college or school.
  • Both the copies are shipped on the opposite sides of the world.
  • All the shops, bring the stuff which I want to buy and not the stuff you want to sell. Because I don’t like to roam in the whole market to search for it.

Rules for Display Pictures

  • Do not judge me if I have uploaded a pic of my earlobe. It’s a part of my body and I have the right to update it as my DP (display picture).
  • If I have bought a new mascara, I can upload a picture of it when I applied it first time.
  • I have an Apple iphone 6 and a bunch of cosmetics so I can click their pic together and update it with an attitude status.
  • Make horrible faces while taking a selfie, I can’t even survive on this planet without a pout.

Rules for Jokes

  • Do not make fun of our intelligence (really?).
  • You have to laugh if I tell you a joke because it is really important for my ‘self-respect quotient’.

Rules in School/College

  • Only me and my best friend will sit on the first bench because I have a crush on my maths teacher.
  • Kill that b**** because she looked at my boyfriend with a smile.
  • There should be a notice board for girls where we could paste our favorite bands posters! (I would cover it from One Direction’s).
  • Tell me the answer if I asked you in a serious test otherwise you will be the most infamous person in the school. (GOSSIPS!)

Rules for Shopping

  • If you want to open a shop, you have to make it big and include more and more varieties to it so that we can buy each one of them.
  • You want to be my boyfriend? First agree that you will pick up the hundreds of shopping bags every week ( I think ‘spending a lot of money on shit would be first thing to be accepted!)
  • You should be ready for bargaining only for girls.

Rules for being a Boyfriend/Husband

  • You should be ready to handle the melodrama coming to your life.
  • The screamingly insane cries for no reason.
  • The quite-a-depressed life you will face in future.
  • Spend a lot of money.
  • Try to understand the thing which I am not talking about.
  • Confusion like hell about if you’re alive or not.
  • Try to know the difference between colors (like blood red and rosy red)
  • Come on time and still says sorry for being 2 seconds late.

There could be hundreds of things which can be written here. But, seriously don’t you guys think if a teenage girl or 20+ woman will get a chance to be a president, will these amazingly shitty things happen to our country?

Some girls are stupid and they will never know about it. I don’t like girls with tantrums and all the Adaayein (I don’t know the word for Adaa). If you guys agree with me then please comment your beautiful words below and if you think I have missed some thing then please share your thoughts it would be a pleasure!

Thank you for reading!

 

 

 

 

Maybe I’m Insane..

Maybe I’m insane, maybe I’m senseless, maybe my heart beat was never alive, maybe I was meant to be this, maybe I was born to be forgotten, maybe my life would never be in a way that I wanted, maybe there will be no future of mine, maybe.. maybe..

These things were running in my mind as I sat alone in my room staring at the wall in dim lights. The weather was a bit cold those days which felt a bit good. I was thinking about myself like why am I here? what else sorrow is there left to enter my life? How many complications are there left to come? etc. I am the type of person who advises every body to be strong, to believe in yourselves, to keep smiling, to never give up ever in their lives. But, hardly any one know that I am the same kind of a girl like them. I cry at late nights, I manage to give a fake smile, I laugh a lot, I dance alone or even in front of my friends or family, I sing loudly to feel better as it works like screaming out loud, I cry behind the doors, I try to harm myself (but never succeeded). I have lots of problems but I don’t know if you have more and complicated problems than me. It’s possible because we all don’t know each other’s lives. Every single person around you have a different life and different problems no matter how hard or easy they are to handle.

My eyes were wet and tears were running continuously but I hadn’t made any sound or cried. You know that crying? It’s the most broken cry and the harsh one you could ever have. The silence is the loudest scream we girls have and I don’t know if guys have it too, maybe we girls are Insane. I don’t know but hardly a person could understand what is going through a girl’s mind. Girls don’t show their feelings but you can easily see it just by looking in their eyes. The eyes of a girl never lies, it all says the truth. I am really good at hiding my feelings but somehow my loved one will knew from my voice tone that I’m upset or had a bad time somewhere.

A man will never want to say his feelings to anyone. They just don’t want to share their thoughts with anyone unless there’s someone beside them who they love a lot. They share their feelings who is always first from all the things present in their life. And you know that there’s always a woman who stays in one’s life to make it heaven or hell. It depends on that woman’s mind, heart and soul to make it better or even worse.

As I was crying for a lot of reasons, I was really angry about myself and the things present in it. It was really tough night for me that I can’t sleep. I went to bathroom and splashed water on my whole body and came back to the bed. I increased the speed of the fan that made me feel shivers from cold. I lay on my bed and just didn’t moved, but I was feeling really cold that at a moment I wished to die because it was painful, yeah! maybe I’m insane. My body became pale and cold and seeing that was kind of different feeling for me, I mean I smiled looking at my hands which pale. I repeated this a couple of times more because it was making me feel good at the same time. It was freezing, hurting, painful, shivering experience for me. It’s really weird right? as I have told you, maybe I’m insane.

It’s funny how we find ways to feel pain on our body instead of our heart. Don’t you think? I know problems really matter, they are really harsh and rigid, they’ll never leave us alone. But think! There is nothing more important than you, I should say this to me also. Just try not to complain about your problems to God. He made us for a reason and you know that one day there will be a day, after which there will be no tomorrow. Maybe I’m insane, I don’t have any right to say because I’m also into this, but I have to say this that please do not try to harm yourself. This will never give you any climax. Just trust me I’m sure you won’t be disappointed by the results.

One thing I want to say about myself, do not judge me about my existence. I mean if I have said that I the person who tries to harm herself, I believe in the words which are ‘Never give up, as there’s a lot to come, but there’s always a morning after a stormy night’.

Guys! please give me suggestion for how to control my mind. I’m really going insane. Just help me overcome that if you care about someone’s future life. ๐Ÿ˜‰

From the Diary of Another Girl.. Part 3

It was 12:00 am while I stayed in bed doing nothing on the name of studies but scanning the papers I found in my book. The atmosphere became serious in my room as I realized that it’s too late to start again the topic I decided to learn tonight. I scolded myself and got saddened by the fact that I have wasted my time of studies in reading some stuff which wasn’t going any where by tonight. I started to collect the papers and put them aside. Then I opened my books and tried to study even though I still wasn’t interested in them but somehow I tried to concentrate.

I didn’t took a look at them till 1:30 am which was really good. But somehow I left the control from my brain and decided to take a break because I have studied for an hour straightly and it was good (and funny too :D, because I do not usually do that). I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling for a minute. I was thinking about my future in medical line and imagining myself as a doctor who’s checking her patients in a private hospital and all that things which doctors do. ‘If I can’t be a doctor then I’ll be a lecturer in colleges’ was also a thought I got while staring at nowhere.

I sat and tried to make feel comfortable to back as I supported it with a pillow against the wall (heaven!). My hands automatically went to the book in which I have put those papers (not really automatically, but yeah it was an spontaneous act :D). I searched the papers I haven’t read yet and there were two of them. There were three poems left and I didn’t show my laziness to read them. Here they are-

O Damn You!

What’s going on in life

With you, without you..

You like the hell in my life,

You like the hell in my life..

I can’t forget you as much as I try,

I can do nothing, but cry..

The thing which is bore in my heart is your voice,

At that time I love to bore it as my choice..

The thing you showed me is your fake love,

Which holds my heart into new curves..

What’s going on in life,

With you, without you..!

O damn you, O damn you..!

–xOx–

The poem I found exactly below was something new for me. She told me it was for her parents. So here it is-

Shadows

In the shadows of my life,

I want to spend my whole life..

I know my life doesn’t like the words ‘I love you’,

So I never say I love you,

I just say I want you..

I want all the memories of my life,

Which was gone from my life so fast, so fast..

I want to live life again in my past, past,

In my past..!

This one is one of my favorites I tell you. And the next one is also one of my favorites! HAHA I know have so many favorites but what do I do if I have a brain which is bruised!. Sorry :p here we go for another one. The last one! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Comes in my dream..

I am in the prison of memories,

I request you to help me please..

There is so much darkness in this room,

I want to leave this magic broom..

This all comes in my dream,

This all comes in my dream..!

–xOx–

I collected all the papers after I finished reading and again lost in my own thoughts of ‘what is my life?’. It seems funny right? but we all have that thought and we seriously think about it really deeply. We want to make things happen in our own way but somehow it doesn’t happen all the time. These papers in front of me are the secrets of a girl which are explaining everything of her life, yet nothing about her. It’s weird, isn’t it?

Some of us relate to these poems and some of us don’t. But still we can understand the pain of a girl which you guys haven’t seen, never heard of, never even met. A completely unknown girl who is all in front of us will never be the same again if we look at her now. She was broken at that time, she forced herself to be unbroken and she became! But hardly anyone know that she isn’t only unbroken, she is a Warrior. Warrior of her life, warrior of her happiness, warrior to be what she want to be, warrior of every moment she lived for.

The amazing women we have in this world who aren’t living their lives in their own way but in their father’s, brother’s and husband’s way. I don’t know for how long does it goes like this, when males lead the way for females. I don’t know for how long this world won’t accept the fact that we women are never born to follow, we were born to lead the way of our lives and of our children. If you have got the responsibility to guide your child then we women have the equal right to guide our children because we have given birth to them, exactly.

You are thinking why have I changed the topic from poems to women empowerment? There won’t be any problem in girl’s life if we provide rights and respect to her. There won’t be anyone who commits suicide and end their lives with incomplete dreams. It’s not about only for girls, it’s also for boys who needs guidance, respect and equal rights.

Just give every single a thought and think about your younger ones and your children. Are they really living their lives or are afraid to tell you what they want? Are they really ready to face the world? Are they not enjoying their lives and are they afraid of facing their problems alone? Please try not to make any other person to commit suicide. It’s not good for me to know any news about suicides. I hope you also belongs to me this time.

LIVE AND LET LIVE is the only thing I want to say this time.