How to make people laugh at your shitty talks.

 

So I was going through some posts on my feed and found nothing amusing. So I decided to write one for all of you. Well as always I say I am here to entertain people with my stupid blogs, yeah I don’t post much since few weeks or you can say months. But here I am again ready to eat your brains! Just kidding I don’t eat them at all.

I like to crack jokes in gatherings and love to make people laugh. But if someone don’t laugh at my jokes, I feel bad for them. As I titled this post ‘How to be funnier..’ so let’s write some points that can help you through this.

  • Be carefree. Don’t care what impact will it leave on people’s mind just say whatever you want to say if it seems funny to you but it’s a different thing if you include some sexual things in it. Stay away from it if you really don’t want to create a weird scene.
  • Be careful. Yeah really, don’t say things which don’t suite the scene. Well it depends on the situations and remember don’t be too bold to say anything which can hurt the guy in front. Like if he is fat and laughing a lot at your jokes and you say a thing like -“Your head looks like a boiled octopus to me!”. He may punch you hard (haha I would love that!)
  • Laugh at your own jokes. Not too much because then you will look a dying seal if you talk and laugh at the same time.
  • Not in mood. I know what it takes to laugh if you are sad or upset. But if you kinda resemble with me, I like to make people at least smile if they are feeling bad no matter how bad is my mood. I sometimes be a melo-drama in front of those homo sapiens. If I am seriously really disturbed then I walk away and don’t try to make an effort. I am what I am.
  • Insult. That’s my favorite part!  knows it really well. Insult your friends! YEAAH! tell them they are ugly as nothing on this planet! God is taking revenge from you that he sent them in your life because once you stole a half pencil from an unknown bag! Weird pet names can help you much! and they look like Kamal R.Khan when they wear glasses. You don’t know who is he? Then I believe you are having an actual life depression.*Sympathy from me*

krk-story_650_020615050028

That’s him ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ yeah. I am sorry I can’t believe I have to see this in my posts I am just kind of realizing how my life can turn to worst in a second.

  • Timing. It’s the most important thing to be funnier. If you don’t have it I have to say this ‘I feel sorry for you’ :'(. I mean really, I have seen people who say their thing when the topic is over 2 hours ago.
  • Copy and paste of Dialogues. If you have seen a really funny movie and you find some dialogues hilarious, why don’t use them in front of people? For example- “Are maharaj! Tumare gurde kyu chhil rahe hain?” (Hey King! Why your kidneys are getting peeled off?) It means JEALOUSY in short if you didn’t got what I tried to say. Another example- “Khopdi tod saaale ka!” (Break the skull of that bastard!).. and so on.

Being funny is not difficult! just be yourself in a quirky way and make positive vibes every where you meet anyone. Spread Love, spread peace, treat everyone equally :p (stole that line from somewhere I won’t tell). And the only rule I want you guys to follow is:-

RACISM

No one deserves this ever.

-xOx-

Hi Readers!

I hope you liked this one so please leave comments about your funny and failed-to-make-laugh stories! I would be glad.

And yes if you guys need any classes for how to insult people you can find me on Instagram as @cleveridiot.nisha97 and if you don’t believe it, ask from Sumit I mentioned his website above. Keep practicing for being weird and refuse to be a dying seal. And yeah I liked that Boiled octopus punch haha! I may try this on someone at least once in my life time! 😀 😀

And if you still don’t know who is Kamal R.Khan then please let me know I would seriously write a motivational post for you.

Thanks A lot for Reading!

.The.Clever.Idiot.

Advertisements

10 things a girl actually wants..

There were so many great scientists who came and gone and discovered uncommon and phenomenal things which we learn and literally write about them in our exam sheets. They had different minds which imagined some unusual things. But my heart is aching just because there is no one born who could tell us about ‘What a girl really wants’. As I was thinking about this topic, I came through some points which forced me to write them here. Let’s get started.

1.DISCOUNT. Ehm ehm, so basically I am a girl and I can’t understand even myself. I mean why? Why I need discount in everything I buy and I don’t care if I buy a t-shirt that have 70% discount already and I go to shopkeeper and ask quietly if he can give me some more of discount on it. He gives a look like I have asked for his kidney! I hope he won’t do it for iPhone 7 as well.

 f4a159ba101dbd9da87e1cdc1f0b71bc

2.12 AM birthday wishes. If I receive 200 wishes at 12 AM from my loved ones and only 1 friend is left to wish, I feel like hell I mean ‘Did he forgot my birthday?’, ‘Am I not important for him anymore?’,’Maybe he is sleeping.’,’But why! I won’t talk to him ever, aaughh!’.. Seriously I am that stupid.

happy-birthday-memes-8

3.Laughs. Again I am repeating this one because it is as stupid as Mr. bean! If I tell you a joke then just laugh, I said laugh! L.A.U.G.H. laaauughhh!

4067716

4.Appreciation. If I make horrible food and I know that, but I still expect that the person in front will say at least something positive about it, but literally they don’t… Another thing is if I wear a new outfit and look weird, I need some ‘You’re looking beautiful!’ kind of reviews about me. Seriously I am that idiot. Did I said that again? uhh.

11899190

5.Slim-trim comments. When I am getting fat, (Well I am already) but more fat. And I know that. but. every time I wear a new dress and it’s so-tight-I-can’t-breath I want some suggestions as same as always, GOOD! BEAUTIFUL! GOD HAS MADE YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE! maa ki aankh. (you can translate it if you want too 😉 :p)

fat_3f140a_2729287

6.Perfect Selfie. I don’t care if it will take 999999 takes to get a perfect selfie, I will still click-click-click-click-click. (Mention the amount in words in comment section).

832027b63da34eb1d3f8b6d270d12dcf8a2381e419445458bf0085380745d926

7.Street Food Without FAT. well I don’t wanna change the taste but yeah it has to be fat free just because I want that to be. Don’t mess with me! Bhai Gol Gappe mast bane hain.

indians

8.1 Woman Man. If you can’t stop flirting with other girls, stay away if you don’t want to change your looks! yet it’s not funny thing so. Mind it Rascala!

9.Attention. Am I getting serious now? But sometimes this thing gets really awkward I mean if I am chatting in whatsapp or any other group of people, if for a second my opinion is ignored then I want to hit everyone in their faces and shout out loud whatever I want to say. But yeah it can happen to everyone else, soo I am not alone in this universe.

42040110

10.MAKE-UP. Whyyy!! what on earth did invented this amazingly shitty thing!! I mean seriously, girls are so obsessed these days with make up that they can’t even survive without it. Absolutely I have no idea what would be the scene in 2020s about it. I just don’t understand when girls will learn to live natural….

12784031_1571974296427217_1190419814_n

-xOx-

Okay so I finish it here now. I hope I bring a small tiny piny smile on your gorgeous and literally without make-up faces haha! well jokes apart, I want to tell something in extra and important stuff to you.

  • No matter what kind of a girl there is, the only thing she wants is CARE. We girls have sensitive hearts so we need care just like more of that I guess.
  • If you know a girl who wears much make up just tell her that she is beautiful without it and there’s no need to put on it in extra amount. She will say ‘I love you’ in return trust me.
  • So basically we girls need is care, that is why some show tantrums but never say what they want. Some fight, be a bitch, or whatever it is. Just be with her, tell her she is beautiful and let her chase what she wants.
  • But don’t leave her alone because still, GIRLS ARE AS STUPID AS NOTHING ON THIS PLANET.

Please comment your views about it and let me know what kind of things a girl really wants. Obviously I haven’t wrote everything but some of them. Share your thoughts and give it a star if you think it’s worth it. Thank you Mr. Obama you helped me through this! 

Picture credit- Google bhaisab.

Keep Smiling-Love memes,

-.The.Clever.Idiot.

 

When a woman will become a President of our country!..

It gives goose bumps even at a thought about it, isn’t it? Girls are one of the most confusing things God has ever created. They will never understand even their selves. Today my best friend visited my house and she was upset about something. I got tired of consulting her that the problems never stay forever in our lives, they comes and goes. But NO! she cried, she laughed, she ate a full plate of fried rice, she cried, she confused me, she made my brain useless, she cried, she drank a glass of soft drink with me, she got up to go, she talked, she shared again, she asked me to say something encouraging, I explained everything, she talked, at last she left. Uff! girls are so complicated.

Here I am with few reasons of what happen “When a woman will become a President of our Country”. I can’t be like that, but maybe sometimes I become this type of girl, I don’t know if I have been this person to someone. Okay so let’s stick to the topic, I have a lot to do.

Rules of Attire

  • The new rule for all the brands of country! that no company will make more than two copies of a dress because it is so painful to see girl wearing a same dress like me in a function, college or school.
  • Both the copies are shipped on the opposite sides of the world.
  • All the shops, bring the stuff which I want to buy and not the stuff you want to sell. Because I don’t like to roam in the whole market to search for it.

Rules for Display Pictures

  • Do not judge me if I have uploaded a pic of my earlobe. It’s a part of my body and I have the right to update it as my DP (display picture).
  • If I have bought a new mascara, I can upload a picture of it when I applied it first time.
  • I have an Apple iphone 6 and a bunch of cosmetics so I can click their pic together and update it with an attitude status.
  • Make horrible faces while taking a selfie, I can’t even survive on this planet without a pout.

Rules for Jokes

  • Do not make fun of our intelligence (really?).
  • You have to laugh if I tell you a joke because it is really important for my ‘self-respect quotient’.

Rules in School/College

  • Only me and my best friend will sit on the first bench because I have a crush on my maths teacher.
  • Kill that b**** because she looked at my boyfriend with a smile.
  • There should be a notice board for girls where we could paste our favorite bands posters! (I would cover it from One Direction’s).
  • Tell me the answer if I asked you in a serious test otherwise you will be the most infamous person in the school. (GOSSIPS!)

Rules for Shopping

  • If you want to open a shop, you have to make it big and include more and more varieties to it so that we can buy each one of them.
  • You want to be my boyfriend? First agree that you will pick up the hundreds of shopping bags every week ( I think ‘spending a lot of money on shit would be first thing to be accepted!)
  • You should be ready for bargaining only for girls.

Rules for being a Boyfriend/Husband

  • You should be ready to handle the melodrama coming to your life.
  • The screamingly insane cries for no reason.
  • The quite-a-depressed life you will face in future.
  • Spend a lot of money.
  • Try to understand the thing which I am not talking about.
  • Confusion like hell about if you’re alive or not.
  • Try to know the difference between colors (like blood red and rosy red)
  • Come on time and still says sorry for being 2 seconds late.

There could be hundreds of things which can be written here. But, seriously don’t you guys think if a teenage girl or 20+ woman will get a chance to be a president, will these amazingly shitty things happen to our country?

Some girls are stupid and they will never know about it. I don’t like girls with tantrums and all the Adaayein (I don’t know the word for Adaa). If you guys agree with me then please comment your beautiful words below and if you think I have missed some thing then please share your thoughts it would be a pleasure!

Thank you for reading!