Note.

Love,

It has been quite a long time since we’ve met. I miss you a lot as I say every time when we contact each other. But yeah, everything is fine yet incomplete without you, including me. I hope you’re doing good there.

So last time when we talked I sensed your voice a bit crackled. You said you’re good but it didn’t felt adequate to me. No matter if you don’t tell me about your problems, I’ll feel it. Just like I always did. Since we are miles and miles away, I want you to know that nothing has changed between us and never will it change. I love you for who you are and I don’t want to lose you for sure. And I know that you do too.

When life doesn’t seem to be good to you, do not blame it on yourself or God or any other person. It’s just the matter of time. And this is LIFE, we gain something and we lose something. Do not ever forget that it’s the fate which never behaves constant or unchanged. We can never win all the time. If we did, we could never understand the value of winning. It takes a lot of hard work to reach the goals we have planned so far. Dear, please do not be upset on things which are temporary. It’s time, and it never stops.

Apart from all the hardships you are facing there, away from everyone, I want you to know that I am there for you. Doesn’t matter if I am not with you, but you’re never alone. Never live life in fear of defeats because they’re also a part of your journey to the success. And if something doesn’t feel right to you, you should know that I’mm here to accept your failures, your fears, your ups and downs, and everything that doesn’t work out. And I’ll be there to pick you up and be your backbone, to make you fight with negatives, to stand against storms, to fight for yourself.

P.S. Missing you so much

P.P.S. I love you!

-Nisha

-xOx-

Advertisements

It was me.. Dead.

It was 2 AM at night I still was scrolling on my feed like it is involved in my daily routine. Nothing interesting was their at all so I put my phone back beside my pillow and stared at the blank wall. I kept thinking about my mistakes and future stuff like everyone do. 10 minutes later I was yawning like a goat so I  closed my eyes and decided to wait for sleep to come.

Few seconds later I saw myself in a place which was all deep white and nothing was there, not even my shadow. I walked in some direction I don’t know and kept walking expecting some results of this benumbed white atmosphere. “Hellooo..” I called for someone to hear me but it was the same. I was in my bedroom a minute ago but where the hell am I now? How would I get back? I was worried and scared and nothing was running through my mind until I saw someone whispering for help.

That person was some meters away from me. She was laying and the blood was flowing from her body continuously. I was nervous and scared after watching her in that condition. I stepped towards her almost dead body but still she was calling for help. I looked around expecting some other normal person like me but there wasn’t anyone. My feet were like shivering because I haven’t saw anyone like this before.

As I reached to her, my soul was thrilled…

There wasn’t any cloth on her body, her scars, her blood and dark blemishes covered her..

It was me.. laying there.. so weakened and still..

For a moment I didn’t understood what was going on. I ran away from that girl exactly like me but again I saw her in my way. I looked back at the previous one but it wasn’t there.

I screamed for help and again there wasn’t anyone to hear me. That girl called me again but I didn’t went close to her. I was so scared that I started crying. But for my surprise my tears weren’t coming from my eyes. I cried for help but no one replied. There was me and her in that deathlike world, completely white just like fog in the chilliest winter and not cold at all.

She stopped calling, the bleeding stopped.. No movement, nothing in response.

I prepared myself and went closer a bit to see what happened. Her body was burned badly and nothing was wrong with her face, I mean my face.. I touched her forehead and saw her bruised body. It was like she has been cursed so badly. Hundreds of thoughts were running through my mind. Her eyes were open and all deep black. I took my stole and covered her from it because the bruises were so bad I couldn’t even see them. I was crying and scared and wasn’t able to do anything for her (for myself..) My whole body turned pale and weaker.

Nothing changed, I was alone a moment before but I felt more alone now. When I saw a part of me died in front of me. I didn’t listened to me. I didn’t helped me.

It was me.. laying there.. so weakened and still..

It was me.. Dead.

In the world of heavenly white, cursed with netherworld’s sinned bruises.

-xOx-

Rusty Canvases..

 

Maybe you don’t know,

I love you from the soul..

Your presence erases all of my fears,

Just don’t know how you washed away my tears..

I love your smile and shimmery glances,

Your kiss, your shirt, your heavenly fragrances..

I want to explore every minute thing of yours,

Your weakness, your strength, your hearty shores..

Cuddling on the couch in the middle of the night,

Kissing your soul and stealing your inner sights..

I may will never ever get enough of you,

Darling, I want to touch your skin and be new..

That unlit mole on the right side of your bottom neck,

Still makes me crazy and my heart throb for a sec..

As I embellish you on my rusty canvases,

I stained myself as that golden intimate stances..

couple-love-hug-anime-art-water-color-take-my-hand-694x417

-xOx-


Hello Guys!

Well… hmmm just hit like if you liked it and if you already liked it then thanks for liking! Really? yeah. Please don’t forget to comment your views they are important as oxygen to me.

Thanks A lot for Reading!

.The.Clever.Idiot.

The Crushed Reverie..

One day I was in my coaching sitting alone in the hall and staring at all the posters and pictures of students who cleared their entrances and got higher percentages than average students (like me). I kept staring at them and wondering how stupid they all look in these pictures and these posters are all over the area close to the coaching center. My physics book and notebook stayed open in front of me and I wasn’t in a mood to study even a word. I lost in my own world of thoughts and.. just lost..

Couple of girls enter in the hall and sat on chairs which were placed far away from my table but in front of me. I noticed them and tried to look back at my books and mind my own business. But as I’ve already told you that I wasn’t interested in them so I opened my notebook from back and grabbed my pencil. The other girl also entered the hall room and  sat opposite to the same table on which those two girls were talking. I took a relieving breath because I didn’t wanted to talk to anybody that time and just be alone. My hand was moving on the page and suddenly I found that those lines which I have traced with my pencil were making a picture of something. Nothing came to my mind so I just concentrated on my random sketching and drew whatever came to my mind. Those girls kept talking and talking and talking. I don’t know how can girls talk like, that much!

I drew a lot of stuff like a peacock feather, my name in some stylish way with 3d shades, my pencil pouch etc. on those two pages of my notebook including postures of those girls in front on me talking a lot. I was feeling refreshing when I was sketching and only an Artist can understand how peaceful your mind becomes when you sketch and draw. I kept drawing passionately and didn’t got distracted by anyone or anything. Those grey shades I made with my pencil were describing every thing I wanted in my life (most probably). I wanted to draw my life by these pencils and some colors you know, I just wanted to make these drawings as my profession. I wanted to explore everything about art world and wanted to just lost in it because I find it really beautiful and calming. I just can’t handle myself when I come to draw things and just want to draw more and more and more and a little more, a bit more too. My drawings mean the world to me because these are the only things in which I find my best friend or you say love, yeah. They just stay with me no matter where I am. I can draw on sand if I do not have paper, I can draw on rock if I do not have sand, I can draw at night from stars if I do not have light. The thing I want to tell is, I LOVE ART.

I kept sketching and sketching because there wasn’t anyone to stop me, exactly ‘no one to stop me!’. After some time, suddenly my physics teacher came and I hurried to open my book and close the notebook in which I have drawn my things. But somehow he saw them and took my notebook from my hands and searched for them. I worried because I thought he will not like the fact that I wasn’t study and passing my time in some stupid sketches. He found them and traced his eyes on every sketch with a little smile on his face. He laughed in the next second which made me more nervous. “What are you doing? Why don’t you go and just achieve your dreams? Why do you want to study science instead of this beautiful art? Huh?” He asked and continued smiling. Little did he know that somewhere somehow, his words hurt me. He took my notebook and showed it to those girls. They also appreciated and were continuously observing their postures and some other sketches. My Sir was aware about why I was in science and not in arts. He started asking me about how did I do that and how I can imagine the stuff like this. He continued talking about me and my hobbies to those girls that I like playing guitar and I’ve got admission in Bachelor of Fine Arts in year 2015 in one of the most popular universities in New Delhi. He also explained how my family didn’t supported me in joining Fine Arts and how I have got to skip a year just because to study science in my future.

I could hear myself crying inside and I just want to run away because I didn’t want to hear anymore about myself. The pain I felt in my chest was exactly like a dark and harsh waves of sea at the time of storm. My eyes were filled with tears and I was trying hard not to cry and I kept smiling and just nodding while Sir was talking to me. He was looking into my eyes and didn’t said a word anymore. I think He was trying to catch the feelings of mine that how down and upset I was feeling. When I felt like I can’t control my tears so I got up and hurried to the exit gate where a water container was placed with a glass on it. I fetched that glass and filled it half with water and drank it in large sips to make my throat a bit loose which was tightened from the suffocation I was feeling at that time. I stood there for 3 minutes to calm down myself and again came in the hall to sit on my chair. It was really hard for me to accept the fact that I cannot draw and paint anymore for my own happiness. Sir looked at me and he knew that I was crying so he tried to cheer me up and ordered a cold drink for all of us.

I was quiet because it was killing me inside that I cannot make my future in these sketches. I was quiet because those smiles and those eyes watching my drawings and appreciating the art, was the thing I hated the most. I hate when people use to say good things about my art. I know what you are thinking, people feel proud when someone says good things to their work and I am the only one who hates it, strange! isn’t it. Can you think what is the reason behind it? because I don’t want to share it here. I don’t know I’m just not feeling ready.

The art is one of the most beautiful things we have in this world and it plays a big role in my life. I love to sketch on my walls and just lost in the world of colors. I love to make different shades on my drawing sheets on sceneries. I love to buy colorful sheets and decorative stuff because these little things make me feel good inside. But at the same time I hate them because they make me feel good and frustrated at the same time. I have to leave this gift from god because an important part of my life doesn’t want me to do it. He hates the fact that I draw and not concentrate on my future in medical line. I just can’t handle myself in terms of arts. This whole thing is based on the fact that I am from middle class Indian family, where there’s nothing like ‘Follow your Dreams’. A lot of people here can’t achieve their dreams because this society isn’t allowing them to get there. No matter how passionate you are about your thing, you have to do what ever is good in eyes of your families and societies. Just like engineers, doctors, architectures etc.

Why so many people are jobless? What is the reason behind that most of the people do not enjoy their works? In ‘So many people’ there are ‘some’ who are forced to be in that situation and there are also some people who doesn’t get any platform in their works where they could earn at least for their needs. There’s no man alive on this earth who doesn’t dreams about his life to mold it in his own way. But the society who will never grow up here will always put its finger in ones life. It’s really hard to survive in the society where you can’t follow the way you want to. Same case is with me, I can’t make my life in a way that I wanted to just because of my family and society. Because they will never let me go out and see the world with my eyes. And of course I’m a girl, this is also one of the reasons why I can’t make my dreams come true. It’s stupid, isn’t it?

I can’t do anything with my life, I mean I can’t change anything. I just have to walk on the way which my family has prepared for me. They always do things for my betterment and maybe this decision also belongs to that ‘betterment’. I know that I’m not happy with it but somehow, every time I end up with compromising with my dreams. It’s really depressing how people like me can’t get what they want.

People, please! I just want you to FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS and please do not be like me because it’s so frustrating and sometimes you just can’t handle yourself. The nights in which I’ve cried and didn’t slept for hours, the days in which I was filled with anger and just shut people out, the times I was so depressed that I can’t explain. I just don’t want to see you guys suffering from the times which I have been through. Please understand the values of your dreams and your talent. You really matter because remember always that not everyone can do what YOU CAN DO. I know, YOU CAN DO and YOU WILL DO IT!.