How to make people laugh at your shitty talks.

 

So I was going through some posts on my feed and found nothing amusing. So I decided to write one for all of you. Well as always I say I am here to entertain people with my stupid blogs, yeah I don’t post much since few weeks or you can say months. But here I am again ready to eat your brains! Just kidding I don’t eat them at all.

I like to crack jokes in gatherings and love to make people laugh. But if someone don’t laugh at my jokes, I feel bad for them. As I titled this post ‘How to be funnier..’ so let’s write some points that can help you through this.

• Be carefree. Don’t care what impact will it leave on people’s mind just say whatever you want to say if it seems funny to you but it’s a different thing if you include some sexual things in it. Stay away from it if you really don’t want to create a weird scene.
• Be careful. Yeah really, don’t say things which don’t suite the scene. Well it depends on the situations and remember don’t be too bold to say anything which can hurt the guy in front. Like if he is fat and laughing a lot at your jokes and you say a thing like -“Your head looks like a boiled octopus to me!”. He may punch you hard (haha I would love that!)
• Laugh at your own jokes. Not too much because then you will look a dying seal if you talk and laugh at the same time.
• Not in mood. I know what it takes to laugh if you are sad or upset. But if you kinda resemble with me, I like to make people at least smile if they are feeling bad no matter how bad is my mood. I sometimes be a melo-drama in front of those homo sapiens. If I am seriously really disturbed then I walk away and don’t try to make an effort. I am what I am.
• Insult. That’s my favorite part! SumitOfficial knows it really well. Insult your friends! YEAAH! tell them they are ugly as nothing on this planet! God is taking revenge from you that he sent them in your life because once you stole a half pencil from an unknown bag! Weird pet names can help you much! and they look like Kamal R.Khan when they wear glasses. You don’t know who is he? Then I believe you are having an actual life depression.*Sympathy from me*

That’s him ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ yeah. I am sorry I can’t believe I have to see this in my posts I am just kind of realizing how my life can turn to worst in a second.

• Timing. It’s the most important thing to be funnier. If you don’t have it I have to say this ‘I feel sorry for you’ :'(. I mean really, I have seen people who say their thing when the topic is over 2 hours ago.
• Copy and paste of Dialogues. If you have seen a really funny movie and you find some dialogues hilarious, why don’t use them in front of people? For example- “Are maharaj! Tumare gurde kyu chhil rahe hain?” (Hey King! Why your kidneys are getting peeled off?) It means JEALOUSY in short if you didn’t got what I tried to say. Another example- “Khopdi tod saaale ka!” (Break the skull of that bastard!).. and so on.

Being funny is not difficult! just be yourself in a quirky way and make positive vibes every where you meet anyone. Spread Love, spread peace, treat everyone equally :p (stole that line from somewhere I won’t tell). And the only rule I want you guys to follow is:-

RACISM

No one deserves this ever.

-xOx-

Hi Readers!

I hope you liked this one so please leave comments about your funny and failed-to-make-laugh stories! I would be glad.

And yes if you guys need any classes for how to insult people you can find me on Instagram as @cleveridiot.nisha97 and if you don’t believe it, ask from Sumit I mentioned his website above. Keep practicing for being weird and refuse to be a dying seal. And yeah I liked that Boiled octopus punch haha! I may try this on someone at least once in my life time! 😀 😀

And if you still don’t know who is Kamal R.Khan then please let me know I would seriously write a motivational post for you.

Thanks A lot for Reading!

.The.Clever.Idiot.

5 Types of Beggars in India..

Helloww Everyone! Well I’m back with another one! this blog is dedicated to our own precious and respectable beggars in India. You won’t understand what to do when these types of beggars will come to you and look direct into your eyes with most innocent face and you have to give them because of the pity you feel on them. These are the most innocent and clever types of people who will make you feel good and frighten at the same time. Fear for what? I’ll tell you.

So here we are to discuss about some types of beggars in India. Tighten your seat belts please!

1. The Puppy Face.

Oi Oi! aammm.. Sorry about that :p This type of beggars will come to you, look at you in the face with ‘that’ puppy face and asks you if you could give some money. You’ll give a 10 Rs. note to them and they will be like ,”I asked for 50 Rs.”They’ll say in the tone of ‘give it or take it, I don’t want your chillars (Coins)’. You will stand still there thinking about what the heck just happened here and he will leave you their with your money you tried to donate. Did he just insulted you? I mean he refused to take 10 rs.? I mean you can buy two chocolates of 5 stars in 10 rs., you can have tea with a packet of biscuits in 10 rs., you can buy a packet of Lays in 10 rs., you can even have a swiss roll in 10 rs.! My God….

2. The Extreme Stubborn Kids

I have a story to tell now. In 2015, it was our school picnic and me and my friends were roaming in the garden of India gate in a beautiful weather. Suddenly couple of kids came and asked us for some money or food. I took out a packet of biscuits from my bag and gave them. I felt good and they left. I followed my eyes in whichever direction they were going. They went to some other kids and hid that packet in a plastic bag and what I saw that it was full of packets of biscuits, chips etc. They were collecting the stuff God knows why. I ignored it and we all sat under a tree and took out our lunch boxes and the beautiful smell of food were increasing the urge to eat the whole meal. After 2 minutes a couple of other kids of the same gang came and asked for the packets of biscuits. My friend asked if they could take a plate of biryani. They refused and again demanded the same thing. We said we are out of them you can take a plate of biryani or just go. They started misbehaving and saying unnecessary things. One of the girl shouted at them and they left.

I mean if you have any self respect and you love your life then just give them what they want. You can find them on traffic signals, monument places, parks and markets. Almost everywhere in India. God save the people who face this type of people daily. I wish them good luck.

3. The Well-Wishers (Umm Probably).

These are mostly the woman beggars. These beggars are like the age of your Grand mothers and they won’t ask you to give money, they will praise you with an innocent face and if you give them money you’ll be more praised. If you don’t have anything to give their wishes will become negatives. If you want your future to be good then you have to give them what they want. So if you find this types of Amma anywhere just go and give some money otherwise get ready for the bad wishes for yourself.

4. Rickshaw Puller with a Patient.

“Can you see this person lying on this cart who is really compelled and helpless. He has a very huge disease which needs more and more money to live his life. Just look at this person and if you have a heart then donate some money to him……” the loud speaker placed behind the patient has a recording of these type of dialogues to make you feel more pity on them. They seems so annoying and loud that you should literally stop talking because your partner can’t listen what you are trying to say. And the most important part, the patient will lay there and just sleep without any worry what is going on in the world and that rickshaw puller will just drag the cart here and there even in the worst summer of Delhi. God knows why their heads don’t burst by listening to that loud recorded voice of a person.

5. The Miraculous Baba with super powers!

You can find them on Temples, Dargah, under a Banyan tree and I don’t know where ever they want to sit. In front of temples they will dress an orange gown and orange turban with a necklace of beads which are called as Rudraksh. They will tell you the future, your jobs opportunities, your marriage future, your AIPMT result scorings etc. etc. He knows better than God and that is why you have to pay them in thousands and hundreds. In front of Dargah or Mosques, they will dress in a green gown with black turban and a bunch of peocock feathers to brush away all the sins you have done just by doing some strokes of it on your head. They are one of the loudest beggars because they will shout and scream the praising words and call you near and give them whatever you have. You have to pay them same as the aboves. You cannot refuse to give them money otherwise they will curse you!

Oh My god! yeh mera India. I don’t think there are any other country where we find these types of beggars but I think Pakistan could be the same as India. I seriously don’t give money to every beggar on my way but if I have some extra thing I will give no matter how many thousands he have stored in his bag or any other place. I am not saying do not give and donate. Please donate as much as you can because there are hundreds of people waiting just for your help! You don’t know how much difficult is to live without food all day long. If you would ask me to do it, I would donate to the NGOs and organisations who help slum people and help their children for education.

I wish I made it make you understand things I wanted to say.

Thanks A lot for Reading!