What to do when you see someone you love, in Depression.

It’s been a long time since I have posted here. Yeah all bloggers write this when they come back I know. The viewers are already aware that you didn’t posted anything so just shut up and do what ever you are here for!

So, today we are going to discuss about some of my issues. I don’t know why this affects me so much that a person who is close to me, when he or she talks to someone else, it pisses me off. Like really, i don’t have you in my life for sharing you with some one else. So, STFU.

I know it’s quiet possessive but yeah that’s me. Actually the thing is, I have recently created a good bond with my teacher. He shares everything of his life and I too, share a bit. Seeing someone in depression kills my soul quietly. So, I did tried to make him feel good because some way serious shit happened to him a couple of months ago.

I have been in tough times too, I have seen how it feels to live in isolation, I know the situation when no friend of yours help you. Similarly happened to him, I like talking to him, he teaches me some salient views of life in a very impeccable way. I don’t know how to say it but he really is one of the important parts of my life.

Maybe this seems boring to you but having someone in your life who listens to your shit and guide you throughout the way, is an achievement in itself. They just refurbish your mind and fabricate some new thoughts in it so beautifully that you just can’t let them go.

 

Seeing someone in depression hurts me a lot, like deep down my heart. So, please if you see someone suffering from it, NEVER hesitate to talk to them. Because it’s so painful, it’s sometimes so frustrating you could have never thought of. Having a conversation with a person who is sad, teaches you the real meaning of happiness, of loyalty, of life. Trust me if you make them feel important, no matter if it’s in the smallest way, they won’t leave your hand. Because now you are somehow a part of their life, their memories. They will remember your words, your effort, your everything you have tried to make them feel happy.

It’s really a beautiful and mesmerizing experience. Just talk to them, if you don’t know what to say just listen. Listen to whatever they want to say. If they don’t share their things, just let them be. Make them feel so special, so important, so beautiful, that they won’t stop themselves to hug and cry on your shoulder. At least you can help a soul to rebuilt itself. Don’t force them to say things that are hurting them, otherwise they might get frustrated from your questions. Remember one thing, they are really sensitive, one bad word and you won’t understand how can it make it worse. So choose words wisely, be calm, and try to make things work out.

Have a good heart, stay positive.

-xOx-

Hey guys!

Feeling worst right now.

bye.

but wait. Don’t forget to like and comment your views. I’ll appreciate it.

Yes I am not okay.

I stay quite,

Because i want to be.

I feel useless to talk in front of you all,

Because all you people see my emotions as “anger”.

I tried to make up things,

but you ruined them everytime.

You ask, why I am so upset?

Little did you know, you’re the only reason . 

Your mindset, your ego, your arrogance,

I am done with it but I should not be.

You do some unnecessary shits,

And praise them for God knows what reasons.

You say, you are so irritating,

Yes, I am… because you never tried to know what my heart belongs to.

You do what your fucking mind says,

But now it’s out of my level of peace.

I won’t be able to handle your shitty decisions,

Pardon me darling, you’re not going to lead on my way.

You said, I am changing,

YES I HAVE… atleast you noticed a thing. 

                                –xOx–

Raped..

Alone in the alleys of town

Light hours were already drown..

A couple of strangers stared at me

I kept walking like I should be..

No sound, no noise came foreside

Just me and my dim shadow beside..

Hummings of them followed my steps

Calming my heart I speeded up my steps..

One of them wrapped my waist and my mouth

The other one lifted my legs and turned to south..

I tried to shout but I failed

I tried to get off but I failed..

Fidgety me, screaming me, crying me

Hard to accept but sin to see..

They ripped my clothes and tied me up

They hit my head with a solid rod..

They harmed my cleavages and my body

I felt my private part bleeding already..

I fainted due to the wounds of sex

My tear fell down, I don’t know what happened next..

When I got concious, I heard them talking about killing me or not

It was the 3rd day already so they should  stop..

I saw my body, it was pale, cutted, harmed bruises on it

A picture of my mother came to my eyes, I remember, my dad captured it..

They came again and opened the ropes

Threw me in the car and drove some way near shores..

They abused me, hitted me again and again

But my body was cold, it didn’t reflected the pain..

They were monsters that are intellectually  bruised

I was raped… in the alleys of my childhood..

…………………………………………….

Hi readers!

My heart pounded when I searched for pictured related to rape. Please raise your voice against wrong. I am so thrilled to see that these kind of people still are living a normal life. I just don’t know how to control my mind right now.

Please support girls.

.The.Clever.Idiot.

Me.

I decide every day to kill myself today. 

It was me.. Dead.

It was 2 AM at night I still was scrolling on my feed like it is involved in my daily routine. Nothing interesting was their at all so I put my phone back beside my pillow and stared at the blank wall. I kept thinking about my mistakes and future stuff like everyone do. 10 minutes later I was yawning like a goat so I  closed my eyes and decided to wait for sleep to come.

Few seconds later I saw myself in a place which was all deep white and nothing was there, not even my shadow. I walked in some direction I don’t know and kept walking expecting some results of this benumbed white atmosphere. “Hellooo..” I called for someone to hear me but it was the same. I was in my bedroom a minute ago but where the hell am I now? How would I get back? I was worried and scared and nothing was running through my mind until I saw someone whispering for help.

That person was some meters away from me. She was laying and the blood was flowing from her body continuously. I was nervous and scared after watching her in that condition. I stepped towards her almost dead body but still she was calling for help. I looked around expecting some other normal person like me but there wasn’t anyone. My feet were like shivering because I haven’t saw anyone like this before.

As I reached to her, my soul was thrilled…

There wasn’t any cloth on her body, her scars, her blood and dark blemishes covered her..

It was me.. laying there.. so weakened and still..

For a moment I didn’t understood what was going on. I ran away from that girl exactly like me but again I saw her in my way. I looked back at the previous one but it wasn’t there.

I screamed for help and again there wasn’t anyone to hear me. That girl called me again but I didn’t went close to her. I was so scared that I started crying. But for my surprise my tears weren’t coming from my eyes. I cried for help but no one replied. There was me and her in that deathlike world, completely white just like fog in the chilliest winter and not cold at all.

She stopped calling, the bleeding stopped.. No movement, nothing in response.

I prepared myself and went closer a bit to see what happened. Her body was burned badly and nothing was wrong with her face, I mean my face.. I touched her forehead and saw her bruised body. It was like she has been cursed so badly. Hundreds of thoughts were running through my mind. Her eyes were open and all deep black. I took my stole and covered her from it because the bruises were so bad I couldn’t even see them. I was crying and scared and wasn’t able to do anything for her (for myself..) My whole body turned pale and weaker.

Nothing changed, I was alone a moment before but I felt more alone now. When I saw a part of me died in front of me. I didn’t listened to me. I didn’t helped me.

It was me.. laying there.. so weakened and still..

It was me.. Dead.

In the world of heavenly white, cursed with netherworld’s sinned bruises.

-xOx-

Unbroken.

So you left-

I am still here.

Literally numb with my thoughts,

Trying to sum up the pieces

Of me, scattered on the floor.

Trying to stand on my feet once again.

Though my brain is as heavy as ton of metals,

Still I am willing to go to that window,

with broken glasses, to see.

To see what it’s like to watch the world

With all my soul and not my eyes.

I don’t know what I am doing

I don’t know what I will do.

But, Oh Lord! give me strength

To stay alive, to live my life.

To face what comes in it’s blustering way.

And when I opened the doors of my heart

The rich and mild pieces of light-

came in my world of dreams.

I wonder if it will grow with time

I wonder if only it will stay with me forever.

I am scared yet confident

For the journey I decided to travel. 

Although silently that piece of light

is pouring some rags of hope in my heart.

YES, I am ready to live

YES, I am ready to get rid of your shits

YES, I will be that one who I want to be

YES, I will do what my heart says.

I don’t care now because I have got colored

Colored on my own, Yeah.

That’s a pure, untouched, GOLDEN.

And now I don’t need your promises anymore

Because I will be that one, strong and UNBROKEN.

-xOx-

Hi guys!

Sorry for updating this one this late! Oh God that was almost a century! hah jk. Well I hope you liked this so give it a star and don’t forget to comment your views about it. I’ll be glad! 🙂 And yeah, this whole series is dedicated to one and only one DEMI LOVATO. Love you girl! will always be a lovatic chic 😉

Thanks A lot for Reading!

.The.Clever.Idiot.

Broken.

Look at me,

Can’t you see the pain?

I was wondering if you’d have ever thought about me.

Don’t you remember the times we have spent?

Don’t you recall those laughs we had few years back, don’t you?

I wish I could talk to you.

I wish I could make you mine again.

Maybe it was always fake as I haven’t realized this distance then.

Cuz after 3 years, still I don’t want to accept that you don’t care anymore.

I wish I could say sorry to you.

I wish I could apologize for the reason you’ve left me.

My efforts were always at their peaks.

But the reactions went neutral every time.

You never responded to my screams, to my calls, my begs.

But you were selfish, you never told me what’s the matter, the reason.

I have so many questions buried in my mind and clenched in my heart.

I always get melted down whenever I see your graceful (shit) face.

No matter if I pretend to be strong and smile like nothing’s wrong.

But inside I’m dying.

I’m dying to talk to you, to ask you, to tell you.

I want to say SORRY for the reason I don’t know.

I am really sorry if I hurt you.

I wish I could get you back, like we were before.

I worry about the times when you will ignore my funeral too.

Because you hate me so much, that you don’t even want to see my face.

Hardly at some points you smiled at me when I was in front of you.

Was it just to make me more hurt?

More guilty? more broken?

I prayed to God just for you at times.

But maybe they never reached to him.

I miss you a lot.

I just. miss you. I miss US.

-.The.Clever.Idiot.

a.k.a Nisha.

It was always the same.. and will be..

Yet another day, I am here confused like always about what to write. It’s been a while I haven’t done anything on my blogs or poems. There are two types of times we all have in our lives, first one is “Busy phase” and the other one is “Boring phase”. I was in the second one while I was updating and updating. But now life hit me with lots and lots of books and a coaching institute to prepare for NEET (National Eligibility Entrance Test) well it’s an exam of entrance in medical colleges. I am sooo fed up of them because last year I didn’t got admission and here comes this year, again. All I gain in 2016 is WEIGHT. Well I copied this line from a post I saw on Instagram, sigh.

I still don’t know what I am talking about, just sharing some thoughts running through my mind right now. I am upset deep down from my heart since few months but haven’t showed up to anyone, even to my best friends. I don’t know why but I don’t like to share my sad sides to anyone anymore because things will always be the same if I tell this to someone or not. My heart is not accepting to give up on myself. It has been a year since I left my drawings and artwork behind. It seems stupid to you guys but still I am sorry for sharing these shits to you.

‘It doesn’t matter to me and everything related to it is shit’ I always reply this to my family and friends when they show me some great artwork or some handmade stuff on internet or some magazines (whatever). I still make handmade gifts for my special ones but I try not like it because it will bring back my pain which I am trying to hide since one whole Fu**ing year. Anger, depression, sadness and tears, these 4 things have been there for me every time I received some happiness just like buy 1 get 4 free (haha). I cry when some sad song comes on T.V like a stupid a**hole hiding tears, but again never show storms waving in my heart.

Well….

Thanks for reading….

–xOx–

Stained from Divine..

This moment would be perfect

If I had you wrapped in my arms

Talking about your favorite movie

Just to feel your smirks and charms..

 

This time would be perfect

If I had just you to be with me

Watching this beautiful rain

And listen to that first met story..

 

This day would be perfect

If I could kiss you right now

Holding you close and not letting you go

And presumably make you feel special somehow..

 

This life would be perfect

If I had your love as same as mine

Walking intertwined in the alleys of heaven

To be the Saga of Love, stained from Divine..

If I will Die..

If I will die,

Tell my friends I never lied.

I was being loyal to them-

And was ashamed of my mistakes.

If I will die,

Tell my family I wasn’t always the worst.

I tried my best to give my bestest-

But somehow I ended up bruising their expectations.

If I will die,

Tell my love that I still love him.

I am sorry I wasn’t strong enough-

To make it through the worst.

If I will die,

Tell this world I was just a tiny dreamer.

Fought with herself every time she got down,

Just to paint her own star in emerald green-

Besides wasn’t aware of infinite meteors.

 

–xOx–